No pain. No real feeling of
illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this
way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely
amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing
your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some
definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy.
You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps
shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy
reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for
being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you
only shaved one side of your face.(For the ladies it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your
eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five
craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping
out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your
teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your
tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning.
Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The
sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right
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